It did nothing for us with my 13-year-old son. Don’tsĭon’t be fobbed off (brushed off, deterred) when you raise concerns about school anxietyĭon’t forcibly drag your child to school.Īgree, these are the worst memories for me, if a therapist/school staff wants you to do this, listen to your gut!Īgree, this may cause disagreement because many therapists recommend this technique. I certainly understand what does not work and only makes things much worse! So here are my dos and don’ts for parents struggling to support their children through school refusal. I have at one time or another tried pretty much everything and so I can see the things that went wrong, the things that worked a bit for a while or may have worked if I had understood sooner. My own son’s school refusal (or should I say school-based anxiety) became so bad he was put into an intervention service at 9 and eventually was unable to engage in formal education so I now home-educate him. ![]() All too often the ‘metaphorical‘ pool never changes and neither do the relationships around it, the emphasis for change remains firmly with the child. Changing the environment to a more safe and friendly one and building trust and starting small is like reassuring that phobic child it will be more of a paddling pool this time and proving it, so in the process building confidence and trust with supporting adults. School refusal often ends up with the equivalent of throwing a child into that diving pool day after day and expecting their fears to lessen when instead they know what’s coming and the fight and flight increases, trust and mental health is damaged. It left me with a phobia and huge suspicion of my swimming teacher, I did all I could to get out of swimming after that,Īs I got older I have learned I am ok with deep water as long as I know where the shallower part or edge is, I have improved my confidence. For some reason, she thought it would be a good idea for me to jump off the diving board into 20 ft of water to improve my swimming! She then proceeded to offer me a pole to hang on to and as I reached for it she moved it. When I went on to secondary my teacher was discussed at how far I’d been allowed to fall behind in my swimming. You see as a child I was anyways worried around deep water and at the primary time was taken to improve my confidence and I was allowed to swim with my head up out of the water. The best way I can explain it is by explaining my phobia of deep water. If a child is afraid, even terrified how is any of this going to help? Much more likely it will make things even worse. When you frame it in this way you can see how ridiculous the way it is often dealt with by punishment or reward, threatening parents with prosecution or encouraging parents to forcibly drag children into school. The Do’s and Don’ts of Supporting a Child with School-Based anxiety (aka School Refusal)īy The Learning Curve PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance, Autism)įirstly I have deliberately framed ‘school refusal’ in this way because it is often forgotten that this is what it is – anxiety (and even, at its worst, a phobia) at least in the vast majority of cases. I added italicized comments in the “Do’s and Don’ts” section because I feel it’s helpful to see our viewpoints together. ![]() Her article stood out because she makes important points not often mentioned when discussing this topic. With this in mind, I am happy to share information from a school refusal parent in the UK who has a helpful blog. ![]() Therefore, an interchange of ideas and information is key to helping our kids. There is no universal protocol and there is limited research to guide us. ![]() When I was in the thick of things with my son’s school refusal, I wish I could have spoken to other parents dealing with the same problem discuss what was working, what failed, and just the support from another human living a similar experience would have provided comfort.
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